I am ordinary. If we walked pass each other on the street you wouldn’t have noticed me at all. If I had a colour it would have been transparent. If I had a sound it would have been muffled. Sometimes I wondered what the point is, a timid life as it is, but then I learned the phrase ‘ mathematical certainty’, which led me to a different world. What a wonderful phrase and expression it is, ‘How certain are you?’ ‘ Mathematically certain’. Wouldn’t it have been nice if it can be bought off the shelf and used in life?
I dwell in the webbing world like a loose end, as the only thread that’s not connecting to others. It’s like being in the eye of a hurricane, irrelevant to the chaos around you.
Looking back, the only kind of certainty I’ve ever known is my brother’s dental skills. The chair that most people dread is for me a place where I never have to worry or fear. I trusted him one hundred percent and never had to question any decisions he made for me. I knew all I had to do was to sit tight and he would sort everything out for me. That’s the certainty I know. Perhaps I can relate to people who stay in unhappy relationship/marriage after all. It’s very difficult to accept something is wrong when you had that sort of certainty before.
I am immensely proud of my brother. I think he’s the superhero of dentistry. I don’t remember if I’ve ever told him that. Maybe not. We hardly ever remember to say anything that’s good and important. Of course, by 'we' I meant 'I'.
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